I was pleased to find some long, full sleeved maternity shirts. Last time I was pregnant, I just wore Arabic style house dresses underneath abayas. This was fine for Dubai, but when I was in the US, it was really difficult. The experience wearing a headscarf in the US is challenging, but pair it with a long black abaya and the negativity is heightened. I ended up finding one long shirt at a maternity shop and wore that EVERYDAY for the last few days of my trip. This year I will be in the US for a little over a month. I feel extra sensitive while pregnant, so it makes it even harder to deal with all of the shit. Anyhow, I will have me some nice long shirts to wear. YAY! No threatening black abaya which somehow causes people to think that they can yell at me, follow me around the store, make jokes about me right in front of my face, or worse. The prospect of all of the hate was very daunting. So hopefully that will alleviate some of it. In Dubai, the worst I have to deal with just in terms of the scarf is patronizing comments from Western colleagues: Aren’t you hot in that? Can you hear well with that? blah blah blah. Strangers never harass me for my scarf overe here, though. It is actually very intimidating and frightening. I admire the strength of those of you who live in majority non-Muslim societies and go through that stuff frequently. For me, it is the biggest down side of my month to six week trips to my homeland.
April 24, 2008
April 24, 2008 at 12:59 pm
It’s all about where you are at. In the DC area sometimes you’d be out of place if you DIDNT have a hijab on.
April 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Really?? Well, I live in T.O.and alhamdulilah so far I haven’t received any negative *comment* unless they do it behind my back. I had this older lady once ask me if I was hot in all *that*? I simply told her I was not and she could feel the material as it was airy and cool!!
You could find those baby doll tops which you can tie at the back,they are cute and figure flattering, am also not too keen on *showing* my belly when expecting,lol.
April 24, 2008 at 7:59 pm
where do you go in the us?? I mean, a lot of times in minnesota when you’re in hicksville there are comments. But in the Twin Cities its really a no-no and people don’t do it much. I’ve written about all of my bad experiences and they are not that many. I actually think the maternity shirts here are great for modesty, and I saw someone who had a long skirt and she did some quick alterations to it and made it maternity friendly by cutting two slits down from the hip bone and sewing the edges and then cutting holes and lacing ribbon through them in a corset pattern up to the waist. I don’t know if I’m being clear enough.
With the ribbon she could loosen the front to accomodate her expanding belly and then when she was not pregnant she just kept the corset ties tight and it made the skirt really cute.
Of course when her belly was really big her skin *could* show through the gap but she either wore a slip uner it or those longish maternity shirts. The ones that are a little past the hips but not long enough to wear over pants.
I thought it was a great idea and really would be a relatively easy sewing project.
April 25, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I think it depends on where you are… in Toronto it’s mostly a no-issue and smart women even look better in hijab (in my opinion) but sometimes if you go away to the boondies you might get a comment or two.
April 26, 2008 at 8:36 am
I spend most of my time in TX. I have had negative experiences in San Francisco and Chicago. My city and my own neighborhood are very diverse. Diversity does not mean there is no prejudice. Mostly I experience stares, and also I am singled out for conversations about “where are you from blah blah.” This is all part of the hijab experience as well and is somewhere on the spectrum of “Does your husband make you wear that?” and “You’re free here so you can take that off” and so forth. Then on the opposite end of the spectrum, the worst is jokes “she looks like a nun,” or just ugly intrusive stares, being followed around in the store, being treated as a freak by sales clerks, etc. The harassing comes from people of all backgrounds, but I think the worse is the cold, fearful and uncomfortable stares of the sort of upper class yuppie types. Luckily I rarely go to the kind of neighborhoods where you find those kind of people.
April 28, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Correct me if I am wrong, but my friends who are Hijabi insist that it is thier differentness and Muslim identity they are trying to project amongst the non muslims along with the covering aspect of Hijab. Given such reasoning they all seem to comfortable and ready to deal with whatever reactions they get. They assure me those are the ideals of most covering and observent women.
As a completely non religious and non observent woman I have little comment, except to suggest that do what makes you comfortable in the US
and in doing so face up to whatever consequences. You really cannot change someone else’s reaction. Make yourself happy if nothing else.
Sadiyah
April 30, 2008 at 6:26 am
well Sadiyah I would say your argument is just as bad as men saying that it is women’s own fault for being sexually harassed when they don’t cover. How about people being more tolerant of others’ choices, and being less bigoted? I can’t change others, but I can hope. Rather than lying with a cheesy smile and saying hijab is so fabulous and has no drawbacks, I think I am being honest by openly discussing how it affects me negatively sometimes.
April 30, 2008 at 6:18 pm
LF, we can hope for this and that. But the reality is how are you going to change things between now and summer whenever you are in the US. Given that I would make a choice who I wanted to make happy in the short term.
Yes in the long term I agree with you that tolerance is needed on both sides, but I inferred your question is for your trip here and now.
I dont wear hijab and dont have those religious convictions that will ever make me want to wear it so I dont have a comment as to whether covering is essential in all environments etc. I do want to point out that my argument is certainly not akin to anyone saying you deserve sexual harrasment because you dont cover. Far from it. It is about your convictions and then moving outwards from there. Change happens one person at a time. Sometimes that change comes from ourselves. How we react, how we project ourselves and what our convictions mean to us. That is how lasting grass roots solutions usually come about. Akin to ripples outwards from a pebble in water versus what the ripples do or dont do to the pebble.
I shall comment no further on this.
Sadiyah
May 1, 2008 at 7:55 pm
i remeber you saying smthg about a man being nasty to u at the galleria mall… ive had very little bad experience in houston, tx as compared to orange county , ca where i felt like the freak from freaksville every single day…. we’re house hunting and this last week stopped by a krogers at an upscale, upptity, 97% white area (cinco ranch) on our way home, pretty decided on a beautiful home that we loved at first sight… the stares, cold and very. very long, left me reeling.. even my thick as a rhino husband felt the general reaction… we’re looking further south now- no gorgeous home, beautiful neighbourhood, great schools are worth feeling like a third world bumpkin… diversity, i think, is what its all about… exposure, tolerance, diversity… such a drama all of this
btw, whatever u do, dont go to sadia at the galleria aisha salon… if i have a better experienc in the next few weeks, i will post here
May 2, 2008 at 4:06 am
thanks cheesoo for the salon tips.
I have had people of all backgrounds pick on me in hijab…I’ve been picked on in Spanish before, too! But I agree that when you go to those upscale white areas it is just sooo uncomfortable! For some reason those people feel more entitled than others to stare like their mamas don’t feed them! I would also say that my worst experiences were just one after another in San Francisco of all places. Usually it is just something everyonce in a while, but I was just there for a week and it was like everyday someone would say something and people just kept staring. I was with my non-Muslim best friend and she was like “does it bother you that everyone is staring so much?” Funny in Chinatown everyone was very nice. It was mostly the white folks staring that made it so bad. I think I had high hopes for the place since it supposedly reputed as extra tolerant. Texas is way better.
May 2, 2008 at 5:12 am
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May 4, 2008 at 2:35 am
If it makes you feel any better, when I was in Iran dressed in an abaya and very plain headscarf (which by the way made *me* look like a fundamentalist compared to the Tehrani women in their chic little dress coats and tiny scarves), these French tourists pointed at me and said “Regardez la bonne souer”, meaning “Look at the nun.” They weren’t kidding either. There followed a conversation about how surprised they were that the Iranian govt would allow Christian missionaries into the country.
I had a good laugh.
May 5, 2008 at 9:46 am
So will you come visit me on the east coast?
May 28, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Assalaamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I live in the southern us and while we have certainly built some bridges and erased some ignorance, it is still a struggle to hijab at times.
Insh’Allah people will leave you alone. As muslims become more mainstream here, I believe that the ignorance decreases more and more. Alhamdullilah.
May Allah make it easy for you!
September 5, 2008 at 12:00 am
May Allah helps you sweetie!!
I can feel how bad it is around such people.
Just ignore them as much as you can!!
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